It tends to happen with clothes, and music for me mostly. I just think 'I kind of really like that...' and then i discover someone doesn't like it so much, then internally I'm in panic mode and all '...crap. is there something wrong with me?! maybe I'm just retarded. but I do like it!...maybe I don't. hm...maybe I was just delusional. Nah, I don't really like it. Kind of. Ish. Er...'

But who cares if no one likes what you like. It's like when I say I personally don't like things. Although I can be a bit deluded, I'm not to the point that I think people will stop doing something just because I don't like it. lol. So, why should I care what people think of me?

I honestly hate decisions, and choices. NEVER give me a choice, because I will always leave it up to you. Unless I actually want something, or if I'm 110% comfy. But otherwise, no. I really don't enjoy small talk because I don't like people asking me things like 'what's your favourite ___'. I don't have favourites. Favourites = judging. I tend to try to avoid that. I'm getting better at distinguishing things I like and don't like though..a lot of things used to just fall into 'it's alright'. It's like a safety net. lol. But I think I'm very slowly growing as a person. Or at least my sense of self is getting better at least. I think I've always kind of known who I am, it's just more...being comfortable with it.

I'm getting there.

Although, you know those situations where you say something about yourself, and it could totally be true, but then someone else says it, and it really cuts you? hm...just as an extreme-ish example, if you say "wow, I look so fat today", and a friend or something says "yeah, you do". Um...that'd hurt. Or at least catch you off guard. I dunno. I just think maybe it's because we're inclined to believe what people say about us, so it just hurts more than if you're reflecting on yourself. I got a bit off track. Anyway, Gurpie offhandedly said that other day "I'm retarded, you're retarded"...there was a context, but let's not go there.

But it made me really think how effed up I actually am and whether people really think I'm that messed up. But there's not really any point thinking about it really. I actually really like who I am.

I think I'm a nice, interesting and funny person. I can be grumpy, ranty, and emo, but it's all part of who I am. No one is all sunshine and rainbows, but I'm starting to feel like that on the inside, and that's what counts.

I wouldn't change myself if I had the choice. If you asked me that a couple of weeks ago, I probably would've given you a different answer.

Ah, how good it is to be content.

xx

P.S. I like the new Black Eyed Peas song - Meet Me Halfway. Which explains the title. And which sort of explains the blog. Because I usually don't like fergie. But I like her in this song. Which made me all "I can't believe I like her". Dude, I'm confusing. But the point is, I do like this song. Not that it matters anyway.

P.P.S. Lauren, I have a confession. I bought me some harem pants. You'll see them eventually. but I like them. XD I just figured in the spirit of this entry, now was the time to confess some questionable fashion purchases. HAHAHA.

P.P.P.S. I said 'like' so many fricken times in this post!!

Okay, that's enough.